My Favorite Pen

I'm not the type of person to go out and shop for pens. Of course I buy office supplies, when needed, but I never really take the time to peruse the aisles of my local retailers for the perfect pen. They just sort of find their way to me. Whether their given to me, found on the floor of my husband's truck, or unconsciously swiped from someone else' collection, they make their way into my possession. And I keep them.

In thinking about my favorite pen I began thinking about some of the other things in my life that I love and enjoy everyday. And that's when I realized something; I realized that none of the things that matter to me were bought or earned by me. They are treasures that made their way to me. I didn't work overtime to earn the money to purchase them. I didn't have to be a perfect little angel in order to be worthy of their ownership. I didn't have to endure a military obstacle course to win them. We were brought together. Truth be told, when first presented with some of these blessings I didn't always see them as such until later.

My Husband
My husband is truly a gift from God to me. This man loves me without regret, forgives me before I offend, and understands me in such a way that he is able to allow me to be who I am without bonds and limitations. Honestly, his type of love is one that I aspire to. It's so easy and relaxed and consistent, like that of a best friend. The Lord knew what He was doing when He released the blessing that is my husband to overtake me. And overtake me he did! This marvelous creature pursued me in steadfast patience and loving generosity for four years. Not because I was a diva, but on the contrary, I was brokenhearted. And God, in His great wisdom and understanding knew that my husband's love for me would need to be demonstrated over time, over ups, over downs, over thick, and over thin times while He was at work healing and correcting the damages of the past. Awesome. I can't imagine being married to anyone else but him, my sweet, strong, loving, husband. My best friend.

Our Son
Right before my husband and I were married we learned of my younger sister's pregnancy. Because of issues faced by my sister, I was afraid that I would end up raising her child. I wasn't ready to become a mother, nor was my husband ready to be a father. We were beyond scared and intimidated by what this pregnancy would mean to our newly wed lives. Even in writing this I can feel those emotions as if transported back to 2005.

With my husband already in Iraq at the time my mother, older sister and myself attended the birth of my son-to-be. Something happened in that room that I will never forget. Mind you, I've been present to witness several births in my short life, so I pretty much knew what to expect. But, not this. After my beautiful baby sister gave birth to a healthy baby boy my family and I took turns holding our new addition. When my turn came I took him in my arms as I was shown and held him very gingerly. So nervous, I sat down while I held him, while I held beautiful him. As I cradled him in my arms he turned his little head towards me and tried to feed. We all laughed and I gave him back to my baby sister. There was no way he would draw anything but lent from my wool sweater covered chest.

But, the moment wasn't lost on me...not at all. Still not knowing the future, I hid it in my heart. Still young, still selfish, still clueless to what the Lord was doing.

When our son was eventually released to our care by my beautiful baby sister, you could have taken a family photo of us and been none the wiser. He looks like a perfect blend of my husband and I. (uncanny!) This little boy brought with him laughter, joy, commitment, renewed faith, a rebirth of hope, a sense of completion, and new identities for both my husband and I. Our son took us from being self-centered to self-sacrificing, from being a married couple to a family.

My Family Today
The thing I love and cherish the most about both my husband and son is that everyday they inspire me draw from, encourage me to pursue, direct me towards, remind me of, demonstrate to me, and share with me the Love of God. You see, like my favorite pen I didn't earn them. I didn't buy them. I didn't hustle to obtain them. They were given to me and I to them by divine providence. So, like my favorite pen, I do my best to keep them safe; make sure they are cared for and not worn out (by me). And, I don't lend them out to anyone, although one day (in God's time) I will give one away to manhood. But, not today!