Always Listening, Always Faithful

For some time I've wanted to have a professional family portrait done. I would log on to Facebook and view the family portraits of my friends and feel the desire grow. Though I'd record the photographer information, I was always hesitant to call out of concern their fees would extend beyond my household budget. So I'd say to myself, "One day you'll get to take professional pictures. Don't worry about that right now." That wasn't really a 'faith statement', just a little self encouragement to quell my desire and soothe my emotions.

Well, sometime later my sister-in-law contacted me regarding having a family portrait taken as a Mother's Day gift to our mother-in-law. I immediately thought it was a great idea and was fully on board to participate. In that same conversation she informed me that my little branch could have an individual portrait done for a nominal fee. That really excited me, remembering that the desire for the portrait was held in my heart, but never left my lips in prayer. It blessed me tremendously to know that without having made the request from the Lord, He answered me and provided. I shared this with my sister-in-law, much to her pleasure.

The night before picture day I made sure my household was prepared. I knew we would have to purchase a top for my son being that he lack one that had our unifying color. It was very important to my sister-in-law that we all coordinated; something I hadn't considered, but very much wanted for my household's personal portrait. That's the other thing in all this: not only does the Lord know how to provide without you even asking, but He also knows how to get you all the information you need to fully enjoy what He gives to you. Yeah Jesus!

So, in making sure our clothes were ready and washing what needed to be cleaned, my husband told me that our budget didn't cover purchasing a separate portrait for us. To be honest, I woke up with a mini attitude about it. One of the hardest things for me to deal with is not being able to do or have exactly what I want. Financial limitations can be very discouraging and depressing...causing you to look at things from a 'half empty' perspective. To my shame, that's how I looked at it. When my husband asked me what was wrong, all I could say was, "It's not you." I was just so angry at how the situation appeared. Here I was, so close to possessing my hearts desire, and there wasn't enough money to make it mine. I thought for sure the best I could expect was to see myself in the large family portrait when I visited my in-laws. What a bummer.

But then I heard in my spirit, "It's too soon to call it over."

This enabled me to turn my frown upside down and enjoy my family's company for the rest of the afternoon. Isn't easy to forget that what we feel and exude has a direct impact on the people around us? Imagine if we all just trusted God for all things how much easier and more enjoyable we'd be. Go figure. After taking the large group photo we went ahead and took our turn posing for the individual family portraits. After a short wait we were all able to view the proofs and make our personal selections. Knowing I didn't have enough money to get everything I wanted, I found myself still making selections as if I did. I honestly do not know what I was thinking. Maybe I just switched over into shopper-mode. I do that sometime...in stores...when shopping...a lot.

After selections were made and we all had time to gush over our favorite pictures, I turned to my husband and asked if we could somehow squeeze my selections into the budget. As you can probably tell by this point, 'budget' is a word I would prefer NOT to have in my vocabulary. He then informed me that our pictures were paid for. That his mother wants to purchase our pictures as a gift - even though the portrait was to be her Mother's Day gift. WOW. Here I had spent most of last night and a good portion of the morning feeling sad and sorry for myself. Here I was, ready to accept that God hadn't really blessed me at all and maybe somehow I wasn't really that loved by Him. WOW.

Looking back on the whole ordeal from desire to realization, I realized several things. The First was that I never asked the Lord to bless me with a portrait of my family. He heard the desire of my heart and provided. No questions asked. Secondly, even though we were physically unable to purchase what we wanted, He had already assigned someone else to take care of that aspect for us...again, without us asking. And lastly, though I went from being thankful to pitiful, He remained faithful and did not withdraw the blessing. He didn't allow my negative attitude to effect my receipt of His provision. WOW.

Psalm 145:19 says, "He will fulfill the desire of them that fear Him; He will also hear their cry, and will save them." This is what the Lord has done for me. Thank You, Lord. And may I grow up to the place where I never doubt you again.