Your Room Isn't Clean Unless The Closet Is Also

My son's concept of cleaning his room consists of him piling everything on the floor: toys, books, and all, into his closet. Then, when he's "done" he calls me in to inspect his work. I look around, not seeing anything on the floor, the bed made (as best it can be by a 4yr old), and all the toys removed from sight. But, upon a second glance around the room I notice the closet light on. That's the step he forgets to take after stashing everything into it. We go through this almost every time and will continue to do so until his brain makes contact with this simple truth: your room is not clean unless the closet is also. After some thought, I realized its application in my own life... the grown-up.

Though I have been healed from this for quite some time, the issues I carried from my childhood serve as a perfect illustration of just what I mean.

For years I wrestled and struggled with deep seated hurt from my younger years. I understood I wasn't the only person with childhood issues, and had reconciled myself to living with the hurt until it somehow passed away on it's own... or better yet, faded from memory. That never happened. When I began to walk with Lord and learn more about healing, I was drawn to reading what the Word of God had to say about Christ setting us free from hurt. Even in doing that, my eyes would well with tears and all those unresolved emotions would swell up within me and pour out. The process was so painful for me that I decided that the Word of God was true and I would just live like it was.

Unfortunately for me, what I failed to do was to actually release my hold on the offenses that caused the hurt. I was able, on a mental level, to push the pain aside and function. I didn't look like the open wound that I was. I shoved everything away in the closet. So, for all intents and purposes, my room was clean. I actually thought I had laid hold of the promise of healing. I was very proud of myself and often times judgmental of others who still displayed their hurts. Ha! Hind sight is truly 20/20. Needless to say, I lived a shackled and incomplete life... and the whole time I was the main one in church "shoutin' and celebratin' the victory we have in Christ Jesus."

One of the first things the Lord said to me when He began disclosing His call to me was, "I am going to heal you first. From the inside out. I am removing from you the painful memories... from your mind, emotions, and your body." I must have felt about five different emotions all at the same time! I was happy, excited, scared, relieved, nervous, anxious, etc. My mental processed were completely on tilt. You have to understand that I had been pretending to be healed for so long that even I believed it. When the Lord spoke that night, He outed me in the process. I could no longer hide behind the brittle facade I'd so carefully constructed. The jig was up.

In the following weeks He taught me how to honestly and permanently let go. He showed me how to embrace Him. He led me to the table of His heart and spoon-fed me an aspect of salvation I had never tasted before. At night, when my husband and son were safely a drift in dreamland, the Lord and I would commune. Sometimes I knew the issue I was praying about, other times I could only "feel" the issue or circumstance. But each time, He led and I followed in prayer and declaration. I say declaration, because I was careful to only pray about what He unearthed. A little at a time... according to what I could bear. In the mornings, I would awake with such peace... way better than the peace I faked or occasionally felt. It wasn't crazy and emotional (like I'd always thought purging hurt would be), but effortless and gentle. The healing of the Lord is as the perfect chocolate mousse. Light and airy, yet rich and creamy. Filling your belly, while leaving you hungry for more. With each time of fellowship the desire for complete release would expand within me and I would experience the following day that much more clearer, that much more lighter.

The fruit of what the Lord did is enjoyed by my family, my friends, my business associates and especially me. The healing that took place brought clarity to how I perceive myself, the Lord, others, situations, etc. Getting sick all the time is gone. Secretly hating myself is gone. The neck and back pain is gone. The stomach aches are gone. The night terrors are gone. Always trying to protect myself is gone. The fear of loving other people is gone. Being fearful for the people I love is gone. My quality of life is such that I just wish I'd been open to God a loooooooooooooooooot sooner.

The part of my heart that once held and hid my childhood sorrows... my closet... is clean now, too.

The First Day of the Best of My Life

Today I embrace the call of my Father, to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness. Today I walk away from, turning my back to, my life and the cares thereof. Not so much a leap of faith, as it is more of a free fall. But, because He has commanded it, He will catch me.

It is into His arms that I fall.


Matthew 5:3
"Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven."

Luke 12:37
"Blessed are those slaves whom the Master will find on alert when He comes; truly I say to you, that He will gird Himself to serve, and have them recline at the table, and will come up and wait on them."

Freezing Cold, But Warm Inside

While walking through our home today it felt colder than normal. I initially thought it was just me, because I am the one in our family that sets the thermostat. Mommy controls the temperature and she remembered where she had set it the night before. (That in itself is a loaded statement.) It must have been serveral hours before I decided to check the thermostat to see how cold it was, or if my husband adjusted it on his way out this morning. I wish I'd looked a lot earlier. Everyone who lives in the South knows that this time of year is when electric rates increase. Needless to say, someone dropped the air conditioner down to 50 degrees! My fingertips weren't purple because I was crazy; they were purple because I was literally freezing. I immediately set it back to 75 degrees, and as I did so, I knew in my heart who the culprit was.

I called my 4 yr. old son to me and asked him if he'd touched the thermostat. You should have seen the look on his face. Anyone with a child that age and above knows exactly what I'm talking about. His face was a mixture of fear and panic. I could read his mind as he took a moment to decide whether he'd lie and say no against what the outcome will be if he answers honestly. I gave him his moment to decide and he chose wisely. "Yes, Mommy... I did," was his answer. I immediately sent him to time-out. (Time-out is a great place to send your child while deliberating your choices and/or controlling your anger.)

Just then I heard on the inside of me, "Don't have this conversation twice." I understood immediately the direction the Lord was communicating. You see, dropping the A/C to a temperature as low as 50 degrees is a potentially expensive move. Having worked for several years in the apartment industry, I knew firsthand how running an A/C unit at its lowest setting leads to costly repairs. And remember that I live in the South, so being without air conditioning for any length of time is a form of hell.

I then released my son from time-out and had him wait for me in his room. The first question I asked him was if he knew that touching the thermostat was a no-no. Again he impressed me with his honesty when he told me he knew it was wrong, but just wanted to do it anyway. I paddled his behind and waited for him to calm down. Afterwards, he and I sat down and discussed the situation. I explained to him what my expectations were should the desire to adjust the thermostat ever present itself again in the future. I had him repeat back to me what those expectations were. And then I told him why the thermostat was off limits and that a part of my love for him was that I provide for him. I explained that his physical comfort is a part of that provision. Lastly, I hugged him. My son really looks forward to the hug after the paddling. As usual, he kissed me and told me he loved me!

Here's the kicker, here's the blessing of this whole experience: Everytime I have to correct my son I am given the opportunity to demonstrate the love of God to him. As people we will mess up, intentionally and unintentionally. And, more often than not, there will be consequences. But nevertheless, as receivers of God's unmerited favor (grace), we never need to be ashamed or live in condemnation over bad decisions. God deals with us as children because He is invested in our personal development - because He claims us as children and loves us beyond our comprehension. (Hebrews 12:7-12) Through the simple act of loving on my son after every correction, I partner with the Lord in teaching him this aspect of who he is, and what he has in Christ Jesus. My son can get a spanking and go on with his day. He knows mommy and daddy won't be looking at him sideways for the rest of the day, nor constantly reminding him that he messed up. All he knows is what's expected of him from that point on.