Your Room Isn't Clean Unless The Closet Is Also

My son's concept of cleaning his room consists of him piling everything on the floor: toys, books, and all, into his closet. Then, when he's "done" he calls me in to inspect his work. I look around, not seeing anything on the floor, the bed made (as best it can be by a 4yr old), and all the toys removed from sight. But, upon a second glance around the room I notice the closet light on. That's the step he forgets to take after stashing everything into it. We go through this almost every time and will continue to do so until his brain makes contact with this simple truth: your room is not clean unless the closet is also. After some thought, I realized its application in my own life... the grown-up.

Though I have been healed from this for quite some time, the issues I carried from my childhood serve as a perfect illustration of just what I mean.

For years I wrestled and struggled with deep seated hurt from my younger years. I understood I wasn't the only person with childhood issues, and had reconciled myself to living with the hurt until it somehow passed away on it's own... or better yet, faded from memory. That never happened. When I began to walk with Lord and learn more about healing, I was drawn to reading what the Word of God had to say about Christ setting us free from hurt. Even in doing that, my eyes would well with tears and all those unresolved emotions would swell up within me and pour out. The process was so painful for me that I decided that the Word of God was true and I would just live like it was.

Unfortunately for me, what I failed to do was to actually release my hold on the offenses that caused the hurt. I was able, on a mental level, to push the pain aside and function. I didn't look like the open wound that I was. I shoved everything away in the closet. So, for all intents and purposes, my room was clean. I actually thought I had laid hold of the promise of healing. I was very proud of myself and often times judgmental of others who still displayed their hurts. Ha! Hind sight is truly 20/20. Needless to say, I lived a shackled and incomplete life... and the whole time I was the main one in church "shoutin' and celebratin' the victory we have in Christ Jesus."

One of the first things the Lord said to me when He began disclosing His call to me was, "I am going to heal you first. From the inside out. I am removing from you the painful memories... from your mind, emotions, and your body." I must have felt about five different emotions all at the same time! I was happy, excited, scared, relieved, nervous, anxious, etc. My mental processed were completely on tilt. You have to understand that I had been pretending to be healed for so long that even I believed it. When the Lord spoke that night, He outed me in the process. I could no longer hide behind the brittle facade I'd so carefully constructed. The jig was up.

In the following weeks He taught me how to honestly and permanently let go. He showed me how to embrace Him. He led me to the table of His heart and spoon-fed me an aspect of salvation I had never tasted before. At night, when my husband and son were safely a drift in dreamland, the Lord and I would commune. Sometimes I knew the issue I was praying about, other times I could only "feel" the issue or circumstance. But each time, He led and I followed in prayer and declaration. I say declaration, because I was careful to only pray about what He unearthed. A little at a time... according to what I could bear. In the mornings, I would awake with such peace... way better than the peace I faked or occasionally felt. It wasn't crazy and emotional (like I'd always thought purging hurt would be), but effortless and gentle. The healing of the Lord is as the perfect chocolate mousse. Light and airy, yet rich and creamy. Filling your belly, while leaving you hungry for more. With each time of fellowship the desire for complete release would expand within me and I would experience the following day that much more clearer, that much more lighter.

The fruit of what the Lord did is enjoyed by my family, my friends, my business associates and especially me. The healing that took place brought clarity to how I perceive myself, the Lord, others, situations, etc. Getting sick all the time is gone. Secretly hating myself is gone. The neck and back pain is gone. The stomach aches are gone. The night terrors are gone. Always trying to protect myself is gone. The fear of loving other people is gone. Being fearful for the people I love is gone. My quality of life is such that I just wish I'd been open to God a loooooooooooooooooot sooner.

The part of my heart that once held and hid my childhood sorrows... my closet... is clean now, too.